People are so quick to say “it could be worse” and so incredibly slow to try and understand the amount of pain, sickness, and worry I feel on a daily basis.
So I totally miscalculated my carbs for supper, and afterwards I was like, “maybe I should check my pump just to make sure I had enough insulin” but then I thought, “nah” and now my blood sugar is 19 mmol/l and won’t go down. Story of my life.
So I went to an amazing concert last night and got home around midnight. My blood sugar was 11. Next thing you know, it’s 3 am and I wake up feeling low. I was 2.3! Of course, I then proceeded to eat everything in sight and went back to bed (after having to bolus; it was that bad. It’s safe to say my night didn’t end very well, but I don’t even care because the concert was worth it.
I have a very complicated relationship with food. It has, at times, been both my best friend and worst enemy. When I was first diagnosed with diabetes, all of my food was eaten in carefully controlled portions. If I was hungry between meals, I was only allowed to eat something with no carbs. I practically lived off of cheese in those first couple of years. But that was normal for me. I think that’s part of why I hated it so much. Kids aren’t supposed to live like that.
Food also became a chore to me. Forcing down some crackers because I was too low before my hockey game was okay sometimes, but those times where I just couldn’t finish my meal and had to make up for it in juice because I’d already taken my insulin really sucked. Or the meals where I’d had insulin and then someone in my family decided they wanted dessert and I couldn’t have any. My family always did their best to make me feel normal, eating mostly the same portions that I did, but some days I felt so far from being normal that I may as well have been from Mars.
That being said, food has also been my friend. Those times when I was really low, anything with a bit of sugar in it was viewed as a saving grace. I never left home without a juice box or Dex 4’s. Sometimes I got to eat in class when no one else was allowed, or I got to eat candy to treat my low. But still, in the back of my mind, there was a little voice that said, “You shouldn’t need to eat this. Your body should be fixing this on its own.”
My site is bloody and it’s actually leaked out into my tubing. My site still seems to be working though so I don’t know if I should change it or not.
My dad just freaked out at the Medtronic guy because he basically told us that my pump had to completely die before they’d give me a new one, even though it’s doing the same thing my old one did last year before it had a complete meltdown and had to be replaced.
I’m worried now because If anything happens while I’m at University, I’m kind of screwed. I won’t have any insulin and I’ll have to skip class and drive 45 minutes home, hoping my blood sugars don’t skyrocket.
So I’m pretty sure something was going on with my site. I started twisting it earlier, and I realized that it wasn’t locked in. So now I have no idea how much insulin I have or haven’t been getting.